Finally, after 25 days inpatient, we are going home. Four weeks ago yesterday we left our home for what we thought would be a one week trip at most. Never did I think it would have turned out the way it did. I left home with a little girl with long brown hair and beautiful porcelain skin. I am coming home with a fuzzy haired, practically bald little girl with skin that is in such awful condition from chemo, covered in brown spots, dark circles around her eyes, a central line in her chest, a new, much longer scar along the side of her abdomen and a couple little new ones to boot. Amazing what cancer can do in just 4 weeks. BUT, she still has that gleam in her eyes and that spunky little spirit. She is still my brave little girl who will drive her brother and sister crazy when she gets home. Cancer can't take that away.
I am not sure how I am doing. My head is feeling a bit unstable. I have been getting a bit stir crazy down here and I am hoping things will get better once I get home. However, i also worry it will just get worse when I get home, because I know what's waiting for me. A months worth of mail, and problems that I need to take care of. A whole lotta crap basically that only I can solve. On top of it all, I really need to get back to work. I'm starting to get stressed just thinking about it. I am worried how things are going to go. I am used to being Ila's caretaker. This time around, John needs to do it more. I need to work. It really sucks. If he could physically work, we both agree, he would and I wouldn't, but he can't do it. He needs his own surgery first. Who knows when that's going to happen now. I just need to stop and breathe. One thing at a time. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. I'll get through it.
I am so glad that you and Ila are on your way home. You will both feel better being home and with your family:) Even though there is a mountain of things awaiting you there, it may help to take your mind off of other things for awhile. I hope that your husband is able to help with the caretaking of Ila. It will be hard for you to go to work and leave her, but then again, it may help to concentrate on something else for a change. I just admire you for even thinking of going back to work. I know you don't have much of a choice with your husband not working, but still, it is an awful lot on your plate. What type of surgery is your husband waiting on? I didn't realize that he was not able to work right now. Now that Ila is home maybe he can get his surgery done so that he can get back to work soon, too:)
I think of you so often and am praying for you daily. God will see you thru all of this!
You and your family are under a lot of pressure..I too, like Carla, didn't know your hubby is unable yo work now..is this a permanent disability for him? can he someday go back to work.
You and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers...we are here for you...
Jenny, I'm so glad you are finally getting to go home; it always makes things some better to be sleeping in your own bed. I know it's traumatic to witness all the changes in your little girl as a result of cancer. It's hard to watch the lit.tle ones suffer. I'm keeing you in my prayes that God restores everyone's health and gives your family strength to get through this difficult time....With God's help, I know you'll get through it.
Isn't it amazing that they say the post office is going broke. Everytime I'm away for a period of time I get a stack of mail about three feet high. And....one of my least favorite things to do is to open mail and have to deal with it.