Hi all,
I am sure this is a tough topic to discuss and it is hard for me to write this…I had decompression surgery in 2014 but have been left with permanent nerve damage and of course I still have all of. the pre-surgery symptoms. Most days are a struggle to get through with some moments during the day where I feel somewhat normal. I am fully aware things could be SO MUCH worse for me…after all I could be paralyzed or dead, but yet for whatever reason I still tend to have thoughts of suicide creep into my head a few times a month…its like even when things are not so bad, I can get hit with a 4-5 day bout of just wanting OUT of this all and I have very little control of my thoughts and it is just not a good place to be in. But then, once it passes I can go a good month feeling positive and ready to fight this damn condition head on.
I truly feel I will never actually commit the act as it would just be an easy way out…but still the thoughts persist.
I am wondering if these thoughts are associated with this condition? In other words, is there something brainwise with our condition that pre-disposes us to these thoughts? Or, sadly…am I alone in these thoughts?
I hope to hear back from you all and I will be around 
as these are just thoughts…
Thank you all
Shane
I do not presume to say how Chiari is affecting your thought patterns as how Chiari plays out is highly personal. However, whenever suicide is a recurring retreat - even without a plan in place - I highly recommend that you seek counseling from whatever source available to you. You are a unique person beyond the Chiari and have different strengths and weakness that can assist and hinder you as you attempt to stabilize with the person you are now. A good resource can help you to deal with realities or to seek ways of improving that you may have missed. Lots of possibilities. Seek help now.
From a more therapies-based approach, please know that I have come across many different types of exercises and therapies that actually help with Chiari symptoms. Lots of symptoms are actually brain-based and there has truly been a boom in research on that subject. I do not know what your symptoms are, but I am sure that I have commented on some of them.
Seek help and talk to real people.
What gabby_jazzypants said, Shane. Having Chiari and the surgery takes its toll on your emotions and quite possibly your thought patterns. You sound like a pretty together kind of guy, but even people who are pretty much “together” can benefit greatly from sharing their thoughts and fears with someone trained to listen and help people clarify what’s going on intellectually and emotionally.
If you ever get so down that you just need someone to talk to right now (you know, when you’re having dark thoughts in the black of the night) there is helpline information at the top of this screen, on the left hand side. (HELP tab) The toll free number connects to real live specially trained humans. The will give you short term support if you need it.
Take good care
Seenie from Moderator Support