I have read so many of others' stories, know I'm not alone in this condition, but could not feel more alone at this very moment in time. I have my decompression surgery tomorrow and I am so scared I'm trembling. I'm not scared of being cut open and having things picked at in the back of my head; but the anestethic. I know these people do this every day, I just can't help but think it's a holiday weekend and my anesthesiologist may have been out with friends and not feeling like being at work tomorrow and may be 'off' like those days we all have time from time. I'm so scared I'm not going to wake up from my surgery. I'm looking forward to excruciating pain because then I know I woke up and will live another day to see my children again! I'm still trying to talk myself out of even having the surgery; but I have to. How did you all get through these fears and go through with the procedure? All advice is welcomed, I'll be up all night and am totally scared.
Oh honey, i am so sorry that you’re feeling this way. I wish i could hug you. My surgery was exactly one week ago tomorrow. I was in the same boat. Terrified didn’t even come close to describing how I felt. Please go and read my post from that day. I had the best, most kind words from members of this site.
I am now feeling better than I have in years. The pain I expected when I woke up, that pain to confirm that I was still alive and I would get to see my babies again never came. But I woke up. I woke up in so many ways. I have never felt this clear, pain free and peaceful in my own body.
I wrote letters to my kids and husband prior to surgery just to ease my mind. So I knew that should something awful happen they would always have a part of me to carry around. Have you tried that?
Recovery isn’t always torturous. So far mine has been beautiful. I have fallen in love with life again. I have fallen in love with myself again.
I pray that you can find this peace. I know you will be fine. I know it. I can’t wait to read in a week how happy you are, how glad you are you had surgery, how much better of a mom you feel like you can be now. And most importantly, after all is said and done, how you feel a lil silly for being so worried 
Prayers, love, hugs and positive vibes!
Letters written - check lol Thank you so much for your beautiful reply. I read your follow up and commented on it. It gives me hope. Thank you for all you have shared, and all everyone has shared. :) It does help to ease the pain a little.
I think acknowledging your fear is a huge step in conquering it. And your fear makes you human. If you weren’t afraid we’d have to call the authorities and report an alien trolling on our msg boards!
Tomorrow is the first day of the life you were meant to have.
Like my husband says (he’s Jamaican) ya’gwan wit ya bad self miss lady! When you’re feeling up to it we’d love to hear how you’re doin 
I had my decompression in March, and my biggest fear was that I wouldn't be "me" when it was done. As educated as we can make ourselves, as knowledgeable as our doctors and caregivers are, as much trust as we're putting into them, and we all still have at least one irrational fear that will push us on. :) I made sure I had every bit of documentation in place to protect my children and myself, and I went through with it. I am very grateful that I did, because I felt better immediately and the recovery was pretty painless, too!
Good luck to you, and let us know how you're doing when you feel up to it!
I know how you feel. It gose fast. Faster than you think. The healing too. The first 2 days were rough for me. I felt immediate results from the operation. I can do more than I could befor the operation. I pray you have a speedy recovery. Prayers and blessings