Please tell me it will get better... So depressed

It’s hard to explain but I don’t feel like my “normal” normal self. It will be 8 weeks on Tuesday and Dr Tew said on the 6th I should be ready to go back to work. I said I don’t feel like I am and so did my mom. I told him my days are 10-12 hours every day with my commute and kids appointments and physically I wouldn’t last.

He of course lectured me because he said I should’ve been exercising every morning doing 30 minutes if cardio with my heart rate at 140. No one told me that, he said my range of motion is great but that I shouldn’t have an issue still being stiff and finding it hard to get out of bed. I told him I don’t lay around all day and have been getting out and taking care of my kids but I don’t think I can do the 150 miles I drive a week plus work 8-9 hours on top of therapy and tutoring for the boys yet. He is so rude he made my mom cry! He asked her for her opinion and then interrupted her and said “are you don’t lecturing so I can talk now” and all my mom said was the something I said.

He says my short term memory loss is my own fault for not doing crosswords or doing anything to “work my brain”

I told him in the 7 weeks I’ve been off work I have only needed two naps other them that I’ve been up, taking my kids to school, running errands but after a few hours I am just wiped… Again my fault. He actually got up and left the room without saying anything and we sat there for 10 minutes before the schedule person came in and said we were done?!? I said well he didn’t say when to go back to work or even when i come back here. She says no follow up here for 1 year and to just tell her when I want to go back. Knowing my FMLA is up June 13th I said May 28th. So I have two weeks to find my energy and motivation to last all day and hope the short term memory loss improves.

I’ve had so many break downs in tears over the memory thing… Anything from forgetting a light switch to forgetting which exit to take driving to my shower routine and putting brushing my teeth. There is not a time of day it is worse or better it just comes and goes whenever. But for some one with OCD and anxiety it is depressing.

I don’t think in the last 3 weeks there has been one day I haven’t cried and said I wish I didn’t have this done. I don’t feel like me. I haven’t cooked or cleaned or done any of the things I wanted to do because I have no energy and by the time i do it’s Time to get my kids.

But I will say I helped my husband paint 3 bedrooms 3 or 4 weeks ago with no problem just stiff and sore after but I would have been even without having surgery lol

I do get out of the house, I see my Pcp every two weeks now so she can see how I am doing and agrees I am depressed but not depressed in a way for anti depressants to help, and hoping that once I get in my work routine (I do love my job) that maybe I will feel better.

I am still on pain medications but I also have other things going on so it isn’t “just” the chiari and surgery that I am dealing with.

But I miss me lol I miss getting up in the morning to get stuff done and figure out dinner and run errands. I miss Sunday cleaning day which thankfully my husband does.

I am sleeping better 5-6 hours before waking up but it takes me a good two hours to really get going… And there was one day I had an appointment and needed to shower at 6am and I struggled big time and then backed my car into the lawn mower!

I just don’t feel like me any more. I am scared to go back to work (IT work) and not being able to do my job. Yes I have good bosses that are understanding and will hopefully work with me on the schedule and maybe work some from home. But we haven’t discussed it all yet.

Will I just eventually find a new “normal” any suggestions on help with the lack of energy in the morning and throughout the day? I don’t drink coffee or anything like that. My headaches have been minimal and neck pain depends on the day which I have used the arnica gel. But my PCp is still amazed at how “tense” they are with several muscle knots around my neck and shoulders.

So I will be 10 weeks when I go back to work. Should I look intoassahw therapy? My insurance will cover it IF I go to chiro first and they suggest it.

But that also requires time which I will have more time when school is out in a few weeks.

Anyone else still on pain meds too? I was on them before surgery too. She is weaning me off the oxy and I am sure she will just put me back on the Lortab when I go back to work. And I take flexoril and Xanax at night which again I was on before surgery.

I really just want my energy back! I never expected to be off work for 10 weeks stupid I know, I just always bounce back from everything that I expected 4-6 weeks and i would be good to go HA freaking HA!

Any suggestions are welcome, I will try anything at this point, I feel
So desperate!

I guess I meant more of for my insurance to cover a massage therapist if I go to a chiro first, (my PCP sister is a chiro and has a massage therapist there which is als close to my work) but I have see the chiro first so maybe my doc could refer me to her… Her sister for the first initial visit then do massage therapy?! Has anyone found that to be helpful that has extreme tightness and muscle knots in the shoulders? I’ve had these for years but usually get worse when I had the headaches and migraines so I was hoping that would get better too but it hasn’t.

Yes Dr Tew hasn’t been supportive since day 1. Thankfully I am done with him for a year.

Should I have a NL?! Because I don’t, just my PCP which has been seeing me for 10 years. But at the same time I wonder if I should have a NL too? I also have bulging discs in the cervical, thoracic, and lumbar areas of my spine, 2 in each section, and also mild disc degeneration disease in the lower lumbar area, I am almost 32 so I guess I am asking if I should go on for a good NL doctor to get to know for the future issues I am sure I will have lol

Yes I love my PCP she knows me too well and I’ve been seeing her every two weeks since surgery, she has given more attention with the surgery then Dr Tew has that’s for sure.

And I see her Tuesday. I am just really nervous about going back to work… I love my job and people, I don’t want to lose my job or have to quit my job. They are pretty understanding so I am hoping to work out a schedule that will maybe let me work some from home and NOT be on our rotating schedule for awhile too… I don’t think I could handle a rotation right now.

I have never been a vitamin or natural remedy person but if anyone knows of anything to help me get energy back that isn’t an energy drink that would be good. And I’ve tried a lot of protein type shakes and don’t like those.

I know I will buy some arnica to keep at work and will have my heat thing with me, and with my constipation issues I have just started probiotics to try. I am willing to try anything to just be able to get up and not feel like I am gonna fall on my face in the morning lol


I can totally sympathise with you.

My surgery was on the 14th March. i had a horrendous 4 weeks after getting home, vomiting, screaming in agony with headaches, i passed out from the pain. I had an internal CFS leak and meningitus. Drs were useless, they just said i had to ride it out!! I lost nearly 2 stone in those 4 weeks , at times i couldnt even stand unaided either due to pain or dizzyness.

I started to feel better after 4 weeks and went downhill again last week, bed bound vomiting etc..

I have only managed to go on very short walks and was getting bed sores because i was in bed so much!

Im a nurse and basically told my place of work i would be off 8-12 weeks if all went well.. (this is after my NS said i could go back after 1 week!!) ive told my work i wont be returning until ive seen my NS again which will be 19th june. They cant argue because i wouldnt be safe to work unless given the all clear from the NS.

But im in a privileged position where i have sick pay and an understanding boss (most arent understanding but luckilly the one that matters is!) And they are all eating humble pie because they didnt believe there was anything wrong with me in the first place.. their all a bit embarreshed now, especially as i have physical proof of surgery.. pretty major surgery! I cant make that up can I? .

I truly feel for you, do you get sick pay? Can you see an alternative GP? i went through 4 before i found 1 that had heard of CM.

Im sorry this is so long.. ive just started feeling better again today and just so want you to know, I, and im certain WE on the forum know what your going through and will support you however possible. Just remember you are right, they are wrong. Theres no-way id expect anyone to be well enough to work this soon after surgery.

Research shows most of (genuine) absences from work are due to pre-existing problems that havent been dealt with/healed/had time to recover etc due to the employee going back to work too soon (usually due to employers putting on pressure and money).

I really hope you feel better soon.

It is depressing, even without work stress, its massive surgery, a huge event in your life.. i had a nap this PM and when i woke up, for the first time i forgot id had surgery, when i realised (because of my pounding head on movement) I cried.. i personally dont think its worked in my case but hope to get to where i was pre-op at least, because at the moment im much worse than i was.

I doubt my mad rant has helped but im hear if you need a chat.

take care and God bless.



I am sorry that you are down ...I can understand your frustration...but, I must tell you that for me, it took a few mths to feel more like my old self.

I hate the expression..TIME TAKES TIME....but, it is so true. You have to listen to your when you need to and you know the well, drink lots of fluids, do not bend at the waist, get up slowly...ect..

Keep sharing here and let folks know how you are...we get it! For me, anyway, just the support alone is helpful.

I hope today is a better day...let us know how you are.

Excellent suggestions! Curcumin should be added too. Great all around supplement.

Curcumin Benefits

  • has antiseptic and antibacterial properties, is useful for disinfecting wounds and burns,
  • is an excellent way to prevent prostate cancer, with pre-existing prostate cancer, curcumin prevents its further growth,
  • prevents the growth of breast cancer,
  • is a natural prevention of melanoma: kills cancer cells and prevents their further growth,
  • reduces the risk of childhood leukemia,
  • cleanses the liver in a natural way,
  • can prevent or stop the progression of Alzheimer’s disease (destroys clusters of amyloidosis in the brain), proven to reduce brain aneurysm symptoms,
  • prevents the growth of metastases in many cancers,
  • natural painkiller,
  • regulates metabolism and helps in weight loss
  • has long been used in China as a remedy for depression,
  • because of its anti-inflammatory properties a natural remedy for arthritis and rheumatism,
  • the results are excellent on treatment of thyroid cancer,
  • curcumin accelerates wound healing and quickly restores the injured skin,
  • helps in the treatment of psoriasis and other inflammatory skin diseases

Emmaline said:

Magnesium! It's a natural muscle relaxer, constipation fixer, and pain reducer. Magnesium oxide is not the best for a supplement, so try for magnesium citrate. Not the liquid, but the tablet or capsule form.

Vit D really helps with energy and healing. Immune building.

A good B complex would be good because you're under stress. B's to the rescue.

Ester C is good too. Good for healing and collagen building. Immune building.

Drawing From my own experience I think you your expectation may be too high right now. I waited till 10 weeks post op before I went back to work, depitr my surgeon recommending 4 weeks, now I’m 12 weeks post op and have cleaned the house only once and done very little activity that’s physically taxing. If I do too much (which for a normal person would be considered small) I become exhausted and my headache returns. So, I think you should do as little as possible for the sake of rest and healing. For me there is direct correlation between my pain and fatigue and physical work.