Need A Pep Talk

General
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Ugh! I am so overwhelmed right now. I have too many things to take care of and not enough time and I just want to shut down. The kids start back to school in a couple of days and I'm not ready. I don't even know which school the middle one is suppose to go to. I have to drive two of them and get them to two different schools at the same time. I have many papers to fill out and copies of things to get to teachers and I haven't even started. I have 3 kids with special needs. One is a screamer (autism) and 2 can't find their shoes (ADD). They all have therapies and the times are changing because of school. The therapist just told me today that the youngest one is worried that I'm going to die. The oldest one just got out of drug rehab 2 months ago and has already relapsed. My husband is a SAINT but is stressed out by his new job and now his car quit. The one with austism insists that he is going to ride his bike to school (crossing a major road and train track). My business partner just went on vacation and left me with 10,000 flowers to take care of.

I need to go to a Chiari clinic. My symptoms are getting worse. I need to have my eyes checked and the NL called and said that my shoulder MRI showed a mass and I need to see an orthopedic doctor. I have constant head pain and pressure. It feels like someone is trying to pop my head off like a dandelion. I keep faling down and I can't sleep at night. I have a paralysed vocal cord and start 6 months of speech therapy next week. My house is a mess, my kids are out of control and our finances are a disaster. (As my son is screaming...)

Sigh, well that puts it all in perspective! Just tell me that I can do this...

Terri MN

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Terri,
You can do it! One day at a time, one task at a time… Looking at the whole picture stresses you out more. Focus on one thing get it accomplished and on to the next… Just take a deep breath and stay positive… It will work out!

Megan

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Terri,

I know what you are going through. Our kids need us and it's very hard. I have one that has Type1 Diabetes and is on the austism spectrum and one that has ADHD. They start school soon and I am not prepared either. I feel like so much of what we do is by the seat of the pants. It's so hard to take care of ourselves never mind everyone else. Just take one step at a time do what you can do and forgive yourselve for the rest. My house is a mess. I was a type A neat freak my whole life and it's so hard giving that up and settling for something different. I thank God every day I have a husband that has stuck around. I keep telling myselve that what matters is love. I try and be truthful with my kids but they always expect more. I can't always be there physically but I try to be there emotionally. We can only do what we can do. Adversity builds charector with kids and we can only do what we are able. If we do too much we are miserable so it's better to have parents that are happy. It's going to be okay and you can do it .

I'm rambling but I hope that you are okay. We are here for you. We know what you are going through.

Wendy

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Thanks, Wendy & Megan! I CAN do this...I'm not a quitter!

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I'm so sorry to hear you're stressed out. I can totally empathize. Feeling very keenly all the things I've lost due to this illness. I just got married last September and we were talking about starting to try for kids... now... I am getting the feeling we'll never have a family. Which sucks for someone who works in the pregnancy/birth world!

You're a strong person. All of us are - we think we know where our limits are and when we reach them, we find we are stronger than we realized. Having a support system like this makes things so much easier to bear. Our burdens are shared and none of us has to feel alone.

Take a deep breath... You're doing an awesome job! :)
Katrina W.

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You can do this.

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Good morning, I see you’re going through a lot. My prayers are with you. I don’t know what your religious beliefs are, and hope you don’t get offended… “I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me”. Philippians 4:13 It may be hard to believe right now but it is the truth.

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Dear TerriMN

I just happened to see this thread in my email. My heart goes out to you. Like others have mentioned, take one activity at a time. It is overwhelming when not feeling well. You can get through and there is great support here for you too. I was really ill for many, many years. I just will quickly share where I went. http://www.wichiaricenter.org/ I went to see an excellent Chiari specialist in Wisconsin. His name is Dr. Heffez. This would not be too far away from you. It would be so worth the travel for you. That is all I will say for now. I am doing much better. (I have some limitations, but it is the pain that is finally under control.

Let your children's schools know what you are going through. They could offer some kind of help. Possibly with anything that you may need in helping to their paperwork. (Don't worry about housework etc.) They may be able to help fill out your paper work for you. For example, instead of you filling it out, you could just tell them over the phone. Contact their guidance counselors for extra help. Also if you have a family member, or dear friend, let them help you with juggling everything. I will be praying for you today and always. You can get through this, and you are not alone. Just continue to let everyone around you, especially with your children, know that you need extra help at this time. God bless, Mary Lou

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I do not know if you believe in God or not, but this is one thing I have found out. Even though it may seem impossible or even crazy, it's not, it's true...God will not give you more than you can handle! Also if you are in the right place with God in your heart, the devil is going to do everything he can to destroy you and get you to believe that God nor anyone else is there to help, the devil wants you to believe that you are on your own. Give all of your worries, stress, concerns to God, why do I say this...If you knew what I have been through, what I am going through you would not believe all of this could happen to one person! But you know what, it does not matter to me, because the bible says when the devil knows that God has big plans of victory for you, that the devil will increase his attacks of stress, worry, frustration, anger, unforgiveness, you name it! I am not a preacher, and I am not some religious nut! I am simply a husband and father of 4, a fireman and retired wounded military. I am still recovering from my surgery, I hurt everyday, my wife is gone on a famly emergency...and the devil is still attacking us, but we refuse to give up, we refuse to quit, we refuse to believe that God has forsaken us! I PT M,W,F, then speech therapy T,TH! God has big plans for my family, this I know and I feel it in my heart! Terri...you need to believe, you can not see that prize unless you believe! Maybe you do not go to church or maybe you think I am crazy, I don't even know you, but you know what God made me, just like he made you! I am no better than you, you are my sister in Christ, whether you think so or not, so with that being said...

"Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you today and ask you for forgivness for any of my sins, Lord I ask you to remove any anger and unforgiveness from my heart so that I can hear you and you can hear my crys and prayers clearly! Lord I lift Terri up to you, Lord ask that you send the Holy Spirit into Terri's heart and soul so that she may feel some peace, satan I bind and curse that spirit in the name of Jesus Christ you are commanded to leave Terri immeadiately, you have no place in her as she is a child of God, jesus paid the ultimate price and died for all our sins, and by HIS stripes Terri is healed. Lord I ask you to comfort you in her times of need, Lord I ask you to put the right people in her path that will show her mercy and show her what a loving od, healing God, and King of all kings who can do anything...as long as we believe! I thank you father for Terri, and I ask that you bless her and that she be a blessing to all that come in contact with her, in your mighty, heavenly name we pray...Amen"

Hang in there Terri, years ago when I tried out for the Special Forces, I didn't think I had a chance, and I didn't because I didn't believe I could do it...I broke my arm in training and failed, because I kept doubting that I could finish! I made a decision that I would never let the world or the circumstances decide my outcome...it was up to me what road to travel and what to believe, the bible calls it free will! I put it in my mind to retrain and go after it again...long story short, 76 of us started the training, 8 of us graduated, including yours truely! Terri...Never quit, when it gets tough, take a step back, grab a bible and look up Psalm 23! You are in my prayers, may God bless you and give you the strength to carry on, God has ig plans for you, don't let them pass you by! I hope this helps, God bless!

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I so get it... We are on day 3 of our first week back. My 13 year old is BiPolar and Borderline Personality Disorder, she is capable to be an AB student but social anxiety is off the chart and I am maxed out as she tries to finish Middle school this year before we have to choose a HS for her in a few months. My middle daughter is dyslexic and her teacher last year let the ball go and she is not at all ready for middle school academically. My son is just a boy - with all the chaos that brings. finances - yep - got that demon too.

But can you do it? God never gives you more than you can handle and stand up under. I swear he thinks way more highly of me than I do of myself! But you CAN do it. It starts in the mind. Funny since all this Chiari thing is in our heads too. LOL But just seeing yourself standing up under it all is the first thing that sets you on track to actually do it.

Know you aren't alone. Tons of us are struggling. We are all feeling similarly at times, and when we aren't - we can be a light to those who are hitting the bottom. Hope you feel a bit more inspired and when the day gets long, and the night longer - just remember you have friends out there you've never even met who are holding you up in prayer!

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Abby you are too kind, but you are right, that was the lord. before i pray i ask God to put the right words in my heart to say for whomever needs it. I am praying for everyone on this site, all the time. I am right there with you. in battle we had a code that we would never leave a man behind! We are in battle, each and everyone of us, everyday! I chose to be a warrior for the US, God brought me through it, now I am a warrior for God, we are all on the same team, I won't leave any of you behind! I am no one special, but I am a child of God, just like everyone on this site! It's up to each of us to either accept it or ignore it, nevertheless, I won't give up on you, but I am only a man, therefore I make mistakes as well! I take it all to HIM, because he is all mighty, all powerful, he can move mountains and calm the storms, so give it all to him, let him carry your burdens. I know this all sounds easier said than done, just trust him, even when it gets bad and he will walk you through the fire. "Never Quit" because he won't...EVER!! Love and blessings to you all!

Shay

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Thank you Vet Dad for that beautiful message for Terri. I too have deep faith, and everyone on this

site is being prayed for just like you mentioned above. I had an inspirational father growing up, and he taught me what I know today and taught me how to get through tough times, because he suffered all his life. He had many disabilities too. He was the most compassionate loving person. So I am just sending many, prayers to all of you too. Know that you are all truly cared for on this site. God bless, Mary Lou

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You can do this!! Reading your story is just like reading mine, I could have sworn I wrote it only a few differences. My symptoms are worsening by the day which i think are attributed to my level of stress. My dad just wrote me a poem to encourage me, and I lost it crying my eyes out and am thinking about cancelling my surgery I'm so scared. My eyes, my balance, the right side of my head, and my ears (omg my right ear hurts so bad!)my ear feel like someone is inside my head trying to push it out! I can't handle even the smallest amount of stress b4 I just kind of shut down and tune out. Not good for my job b/c it's very fast paced and I need 100% of my brain power 120% of the time! I feel so helpless. Now that I"m stressing about surgery my symptoms are getting worse :( I wish you the best, and keep your head up high! (cuz if you bend down it hurts lol j/k) You can do this, you have the will and the power! We will all get through this together!

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Abby said:

Vet Dad,

I am at awe at your words. It was if our Heavenly Father had spoken them to Terri. I thank you for this, because I felt it and just as you were praying for Terri, I knew it was for all of us. Your words were beautiful. God is Bigger!

I know you have seen a lot being a firefighter and your service to your country. Thank you!

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It is so hard to take care of others when we feel so badly,my kids are grown up now but I remember those days when everyone still depended on me. Iwill keep you in my prayers you have so much on your plate God will give you strenth.He has aready sent some very good friends for encouragement.I think my worst days was then there was nothing no one could do and after 27yrs. I am praising God because finally I have found Dr. Rosner the only specalist in N.C. thank the lord for His mercy my surgery will be coming up even though it is scary life without it is so much worse.Keep your head up and take care of yourself I,m praying for all of you.

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Hang in there Terri, you can do it. Here is a quote that I came across shortly after I was diagnosed with Chiari back in January of this year and my world was falling apart, the diagnosis, my father's passing, loss of my 2 jobs, and now no income, not even unemployment, etc. I read this quote from time to time when I get stressed or frustrated with my situation and wonder why.

"If God brings you to it,

He'll see you through it."

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VetDad, that was beautiful, thank you.

I love what WendyAnne said, "Adversity builds charector with kids and we can only do what we are able". So true. Do your best. The rest will follow. Thank you, Wendyanne.

TerriMN,

I, too and finding it difficult to balance all these demands. Focus on one thing at a time, and don't worry about things that don't matter. Find short cuts.

My daughter and I were discussing Chiari, EDS and all the stress, problems and pain it brings. As we were talking, we realized something all the Chiari and EDS people we have met have in common - we are all very strong individuals; usually very intelligent, too. Caring. We came up with a (silly?) theory. God gave us Chiari (and, maybe EDS) because we can g handle it; also, those of us who raise children and perserve are even stronger. (Sort of a survival of the fittest idea).

God would not have given it to you, and you would not have been born to your parents (?? best way to say it??), if you could not.

You can do it. We are here for you.

P.S. My favorite short cuts are:

For me, I stopped going to any physical store. The walking, the lifting, the time - I hated it. I order EVERYTHING online. Free shipping at Amazon. Order from my phone, while sitting in a Dr. office, at a red light or on my lunch break, or in bed at night. But then, you do have to open the boxes and throw them away at some point (lol). But it can be done over time, as needed and others can help.

I started using freeze dried food for meals (really! its actually good! Harmony House soups! Delivery, long shelf life, easy. Pour it in a crock pot with water, eat when you get home. Just don't forget to turn it on. I've done that.

Freeze dried fruit is good, too, and comes in snack bags [in a different brand].)

Shelf stable Horizon milk boxes are great (but expensive). If no dairy, shelf stable name brand Almond milk tastes the same as refrigerated.

Relax on food standards. So what if my four year old eats her baby brother's baby food "squeeze packs" - they are fruit, grain and veggies! So what if my 18 month old eats Cheerios twice a day (with squeeze packs, of course).

Get a housekeeping service every week, 2 weeks or month. Its actually not that expensive. You just have to pick up clutter the morning of/or night before. At least it makes us do it so our house is not a disaster for a day or two. lol.

I hope this helps. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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Terri,

Wow! Just from reading that, I can tell you are a very strong, loving person. Your kids are not a mess, they are special and require someone to look at who they are and how they act with different eyes than most. It sounds like you are doing everything humanly possible (and inhumanly) to get them to a place where they can get better and thrive. Remember, (especially with your oldest) that you can only show them the right path and teach them to walk, the rest is up to them. The fact that you even care what your house looks like right now is amazing. Take everything one step at a time. Know what you have to accomplish today, and don't say "clean the house." Break it into little manageable piece. It is not so overwhelming then. For instance say "I have to call the school for directions for middle child, wash at least the bowls so we hae some to use for dinner, pay X bill, and if I get a load of laundry done, bonus." Go easy on yourself. You are amazing for just getting through the day. You can do this. We all believe in you.

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I agree completely, AlannasMommy!

AlannasMommy said:

Terri,

Wow! Just from reading that, I can tell you are a very strong, loving person. Your kids are not a mess, they are special and require someone to look at who they are and how they act with different eyes than most. It sounds like you are doing everything humanly possible (and inhumanly) to get them to a place where they can get better and thrive. Remember, (especially with your oldest) that you can only show them the right path and teach them to walk, the rest is up to them. The fact that you even care what your house looks like right now is amazing. Take everything one step at a time. Know what you have to accomplish today, and don't say "clean the house." Break it into little manageable piece. It is not so overwhelming then. For instance say "I have to call the school for directions for middle child, wash at least the bowls so we hae some to use for dinner, pay X bill, and if I get a load of laundry done, bonus." Go easy on yourself. You are amazing for just getting through the day. You can do this. We all believe in you.

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Oh Vet Dad,

Thank you so very much for your post and beutiful prayers and words of encouragement to Terri. You brought tears to my eyes and joy to my heart as I read your prayer and felt it for all of us. Thank you so very much for sharing and your encouragement.

You wil be in my thoughts and prayers,

Aveet:)