I’m new to the group and have just been told I am in need of the decompression surgery.
I’ve been putting on my brave face and acting like I’m much tougher than I really feel. I don’t know if it’s a self preservation thing (I’m kind of afraid to give in to my fears b/c I don’t want to be consumed with them) or if I’m trying to protect my family and keep them strong via my strength.
Either way I’m freekin scared. I’ve talked to my husband about it. But not too far in depth. We just moved to a new duty station (army) from Germany and I know my husband is stressed about reintegrating into a new chain of command as well as back into the USA. So I try to keep it kind of light as far as the surgery.
My mom is a bit of a drama queen and if I tell her my fears she’s going to run with it, turn my fears into something bigger than I’m feeling and just make this whole thing way more dramatic than need be.
I don’t have any close friends (without realizing it I’ve severely isolated myself from people over the past few years out of fear that they would think I was a weirdo b/c I have very frequent drop attacks and passing out spells. Who wants to be friends with the girl who passes out all the time???).
That being said, how did all of you deal with this at first? How did you process your emotions? Fears? I have the urge to tell my husband things like “if I die in surgery I want you to get remarried so you’re not lonely”. But that would totally freak him out.
Thoughts?
I'm going through the exact same thing with the fears. My surgery is in a week and a half. I've started becoming more active on this website, reading people's stories. I've let my boyfriend know that I'm scared, and starting to become depressed, as much as I hated to admit it. He's being really supportive, finding things online that he thinks will help, a lot of things he's found have helped. I've admitted my fears to my family, only a tad, because I have kids, and I'm a worrier by nature, this magnifies my worry for them like crazy. I am trying to be strong for them, like you I don't normally show my fears, but this was becoming way overwhelming. I think that is why I started to get depressed. Honestly this website has helped so much. Being able to totally say what you're feeling is the best medicine I think.
Thanks for your response. I feel the same way, this site it great. No one in my life has ever heard of this before. It’s hard for people to understand. My husband is trying (and is my greatest source of comfort) but I feel like a burden on him at times. I feel like I need to stay strong for him and my kids. If I let them know I’m worried than they’ll be more worried which in turn will manifest into me worrying more! Agh! I’ve toughed this thing out for years, why do I feel so not strong right now? (I won’t say weak b/c I won’t let myself become weak!)
Nicolerox said:
I'm going through the exact same thing with the fears. My surgery is in a week and a half. I've started becoming more active on this website, reading people's stories. I've let my boyfriend know that I'm scared, and starting to become depressed, as much as I hated to admit it. He's being really supportive, finding things online that he thinks will help, a lot of things he's found have helped. I've admitted my fears to my family, only a tad, because I have kids, and I'm a worrier by nature, this magnifies my worry for them like crazy. I am trying to be strong for them, like you I don't normally show my fears, but this was becoming way overwhelming. I think that is why I started to get depressed. Honestly this website has helped so much. Being able to totally say what you're feeling is the best medicine I think.
I think biggest fear is dying and not having things in order before I die. Preschool for my son, daycare for my daughter, paperwork in order so my husband doesn’t have to deal with it. I don’t want to stress him out with my death AND getting things in order. I would feel so bad.
I realize I sound super dramatic. Death is such a small possibility…but it’s there. And I can’t stop thinking about it. And I feel like a drama queen b/c of it.
the people on this site are great. I have made some great friends in the very short amount of time that I have been here and they really have helped me through those times were I get really freaked out. We are all here for you. Anytime you need to talk about anything.
I understand exactly where you are coming from, because I am in the same boat. My surgery is 9 days away and I am becoming more and more scared the closer we get. I find myself becoming irritated at the smallest thing and I think that is just because I am so scared. I have decided to go ahead and put a living will together so that my wishes are followed. It is not just because of this type of surgery, but surgery as a whole. I have two small children and if something goes wrong I want to know that they are only doing what I want them too...
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