Some days nothing helps

Somedays I really dont know how I make it.If it wasnt for the knowledge that I might get some relife with the operation. Everything is packed I got a few meals made ahead. And I have been Sitting on my duff in the yard pulling blades of grass from my flower bed trying to keep the little mussel I have left.None of my medication is touching that horrible sick feeling you get under your skin.I am ready for something to happen. Why is my 7mm hurniation causeing me soo much grieaf and pain.Why is it time to operate on mine and not someone with a 14 to 20mm .Basicly I'm asking why me.Like everyone else.The ringing is horrible the face neak arm pain is so intense it is making me sick to my stomach.I have been like this for over a mo with no backing down. I can hardly breath. Hurts to do anything. Only reason Im not in a hurry is because I know kinda what to expect.What if I go through all that and it dont work.And Im left worse than I am right now. Because right now I cant live with this.I try to keep my wits about me. But as each day passes I lose ground. Today is not a good day for me. Gosh!! Hurry up and wait!!!

LOL Thats what my duff is I have to sit too. I feel like that baby with great big wide eyes and arms out reached. Alls I heard sence I was diognosed with Adhisive Arachnoiditis. I sorry I cant help you even from this one twice.And this is the third time and it is one year from the last. The day I walked out of her office and was givin Tramadol. For pain and was told to live with it. Every time we went in we asked what the CFS flow was we were tested twice on a MRI cine .She wont tell us we ask and by the the we leave the office we never got an answer. And when she looked at the MRI and said it was time but there wasnt much change????And even though she said yes Now I'm wondering about if I have syrex. Or how ever you spell it.Build up pockets of fluid.Could she see that. The last two surgins that said I can fix that really did me in.I have seen her 3xs. And she wouldnt do it I feel If she didnt think I would benifit from it.I pay that it is a success.I have been suffering sence I was twelve yrs old Spinal meninjitis is what started my life of hell.I had over 200 accureances withit I cant tell you how many lumbar punchers.That is what sta.rted the hidden desise AA. If she orded the MRI. Will it say how much flow on the report.?