"My Chronic Pain" My letter to all ER doctors that made me feel like I was a waste of their time

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My Chronic Pain

I'm not a bad person, I'm a great person with an awful condition. My condition causes me chronic pain. My pain is constant, it never goes away. And more times than not, my pain is severe.

Chronic pain rules my life!

To most in the medical world, the words "Chronic Pain" are not considered as a condition or a diagnosis, instead it's a label they attach to you and at that point, I am no longer a patient in their eyes, now I am a drug addict.

Please understand, it's not medication I'm seeking, its relief!

Most doctors see me as broken and therefore easily discarded. My pain doesn't matter. It's not a symptom anymore, now it's a crime. I want to shout as loud as I can "I am somebody's daughter, somebody's granddaughter, I am somebody's mother!" I am the most important person in some people's lives. I am the Matriarch, I am the glue that is supposed to hold my family together. When I am broken, we are broken. When I am discarded, we are discarded.

When I am told that my desire for relief is criminal, that I cannot have the one thing that takes my hell away, then I am left in a purgatory of pain. And every person who loves me and stands by me, suffers with me.

You know that good ole unforgiving, unsympathetic E.R. doctor with that "here she is again" look on his face. Whispering to his colleagues "you know, the "chronic pain" one..." Don't think I don't know that's all I am on that clipboard you're flipping through. I know is says a lot of "medicinal trash" about me. You flip the pages and rehearse your lines about the policy regarding "Medical Standards of Practice", "Doing no harm", "the patient's best interest", blah, blah, blah...

That policy is an assault on my body in its failure to treat my pain. I sit in disgust as I ponder your policy and watch you and listen to you use it against me because you think you have me all figured out and somehow I am not worthy of pain relief. And I'm trying so hard in my weakest moment to tell you that I am not a drug addict and I am not a criminal. I am not looking for a drug dealer. I am a patient and I need a doctor.

Stop taking my pain and calling it something else. Stop having your mind made up before you pull the curtain open. Please educate yourself about my condition before seeing me. Please approach my bedside with empathy and compassion for my pain, not with a label in my chart that indicates "possible drug seeking behavior". I'm not a bad person. I am a great person with an awful condition. I don't suffer every day, I survive every day!

Juda…

Chiari and Syringomyelia Survivor with 3 surgeries under my belt (so far).

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Very well written. I wish more doctors had empathy for what one with a chronic condition goes through. One day recently I showed up at my pcp appt using my walker. My kids begged me to use it and to not be ashamed. My doctor took one look at me and said "Why do you need this?" I pondered her question and I thought to myself, she has 10 yrs worth of medical records and she is asking me this? I felt really upset by the question.

Since the blackout she sent me in for an MRI, wants me to see an ENT specialist and of course a neurologist. My MRI records state I have Chiari I Malformation and the images show it as well. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia back in 2010. I have fallen a few times, couldn't walk unassisted for a brief time while trying to hold down a 40 hr week at work. My walker was my savior for when I had to walk periods of time unassisted. It has a little seat on it too so if I start hurting I can rest.

They just don't understand. And I am so sorry you have been labeled as a drug seeker. I personally do not like taking the medications. I feel like they will say the same thing about me one day. I don't want the drugs as much as they don't want to prescribe them to me. I just want some relief! What else can we do?

Hold your head high, know that you are not alone in your struggles. You know the truth about you, just like I do about myself and anyone else who will read this message will know about themselves. We know our pain is very real and we know the journey we have been on this far. Don't let anyone get you down sweetie. Your family understands and they love you.

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Thank you Jennabug!!

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You're welcome Juda. I hope I made you feel better. ((( hugs )))

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Juda, that letter is so telling of what so many of us go through. Part of the pain from this comes from feeling isolated by the people who are supposed to be helping us. I am so sorry you have had these experiences.

Thank you for sharing, and please know you are not alone.

Jenn

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I work in the health field and I find myself frequently telling the nurses around me to quit being so judgemental of patients with chronic pain. I live at a 3-4 on their pain scale every day and just because the patient is writhing in pain doesnt mean they aren’t truly in pain. Tonsils that there are people who do use the ER as their own pharmacy and screw it up for thw rest of us.

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Very well stated, Juda. I don’t think I could have said it better.

I agree, Elisa. I used to be a nurse myself, but I was more sympathetic towards chronic pain patients, as I had chronic knee pain when I first started nursing, then later developed radial neuralgia in my left hand after a ganglion removal and Chronic Pelvic Pain. My first couple months of the pelvic pain, I was in the ER several times and occasionally felt like I was being judged as a drug-seeker or a malingerer… I think I actually worked a total of 5 days in those 2 months. I am grateful though that since I moved to where I am now, I have a sympathetic doctor who is more understanding of my pain issues, and knows that I at least need some relief.