For all of those that have had the surgery & have young children I am looking for tips on how you handled things with your kids both before & after surgery. My son is 8. He knows mommy has a problem & is going to have surgery. I don't lie to my kids but I have tried to explain everything in a way that is appropriate for a young child. Even saying that his young imagination is getting the best of him. He asked me the other day if there was anyway the doc would accidently cut my head off. I am also wondering the best way to handle things after the surgery. I want him to be able to see me & know that I am ok but I don't want it to scare him seeing me bandaged up & in the hospital bed. Just wondering how some of you guys handled that & what the results were. Thanks.
I have three young boys, my middle one turns 8 just 3 days prior to surgery (which was Performed on May 30) we didn’t have the boys come visit me as I had a very difficult 5 day stay and even still, my recovery has been very difficult. I spoke w them on the phone and they handled it far better than I did. My kids are extremely advanced, in fact they looked at their anatomy set to get a better understanding and they were with me at the consult w the NS. I think I expected them to be more freaked out than they really were, they definitely surprised me. They try to help, yesterday was my first day without my husband home and it has been miserable. But, they do as best as they can for being 5, 8, and 10. Try and relax and your kiddo will follow suit. Good luck.
My son is 8 and I had the surgery in November. I told him everything. However he didn’t go with me or visit after the surgery. His grandma watched him at my house so things wouldn’t be too different for him. He was also in school at the time of the surgery. He was very understanding and didn’t seem to be upset or nervous about it. When I came home he was very helpful. I was really surprised at how the incision wasn’t very bad at all. Dr Henderson did mine and my head was barely even shaved. So I really looked normal after the surgery.
Prayers for you and your recovery!
be upfront about the surgery--and tell him you dont have all the answers but you will be OK and ask him if there is something small that he has that he wants you to take with you..(like a key chain,beenie baby,an army man, a picture he colored) that way he will be with you in spirit.(some kids need to feel like they are with you and this helps them)....
as far as after surgery and his visitation, once you are in your room (out of icu) you are not "all bandaged up" or well i wasnt...i had an iv and that was it not even a bandage over the staples...its going to be your choice...but,i think it is important for him to know you are OK so even if you decided to not have him come to the hospital..make sure you talk to him a few times a day or while you are in the hospital..and right before you leave for home. Maybe you can ask him if he would want to come to the hospital and visit or if he wouold prefer to talk to you on the phone??....
My son was 8 when i had my decompression and while he wasnt there because i went out of state--he knew all about the surgery (not the details) location,doctor,things like that (he went with to prior apts) so he was comfortable w/that..so while i was in hosp he was called in AM before school and in PM before bed (or anytime after school that he wanted to call)
Kids are smart...just talk to him he will let you know...
Hi,
Kids are resillient. They also understand more than we may think they do. When I had both of my brain surgeries for my brain cyst, my boys were 7 and 4, now 14 and 11. They were surprisingly stoic about the situation and helped me to relax and not be a mess of a person, facing brain surgery. I tried to explain things on their level, but did keep them in the loop as much as I could.
I wrote my book about my experience and it's titled, "It's all in Your Head." I wanted to tell my story and help others who have face brain problems, and to reach those who have just dealt with medical issues in general. I felt totally alone when going through my ordeal, and hoped that my story could and would help others.
Today I live with a significant Chiari and other brain issues. It all started with my cyst, and that was enough, but due to some unfortunate circumstances, developed other "brain problems."
Anyways, you may want to look into it. It can be found on Amazon.com, through Barnes and Noble, Tate publishing and wherever books are sold. I have been told it has been helpful to many others.
Good luck with your surgery and I'm sure everything will be fine; including with your children. I found that at that time, I needed for children to be ok, and for that to happen, "I" needed to be ok with everything I was going through. If they knew I was ok, then they could be too.
Take care and wishing you a speedy recovery,
Maria
I can't find it right now, but for my son's surgery last week, we got a great packet of advice on how to talk to kids about surgery. One thing that sticks with me is that talking about anesthesia can be confusing if you just say the doctors put you to sleep, because that almost sounds like -- well, a cat dying, or something. The advice was something about saying the doctors use a special medicine for a special kind of sleeping so mommy won't feel anything hurting during surgery. Just not "they'll put mommy to sleep."
Sending you lots of good thoughts, calming thoughts, and the like.
I agree and that is exactly how we described it to our youngest....our oldest had already experienced anesthesia himself, so he knew what it was to be put "under." I also told them that I was having the surgery to be better....although I encountered many more problems months later, but for a while, I was better. Because we are religeous and believe in God, I reminded them that God would be taking care of me, and told them that whenever they felt scared, to talk to Him. We just talked a lot. I tried to answer their questions the best I could and just put their minds at ease. I was always open with them, giving them answers on their level of understanding. Even so, both my boys worried on the day of surgery and it was a big relief to be able to talk to them after, and let them know I was ok. I could hear the relief in their voices.
WhatsForDinner said:
I can't find it right now, but for my son's surgery last week, we got a great packet of advice on how to talk to kids about surgery. One thing that sticks with me is that talking about anesthesia can be confusing if you just say the doctors put you to sleep, because that almost sounds like -- well, a cat dying, or something. The advice was something about saying the doctors use a special medicine for a special kind of sleeping so mommy won't feel anything hurting during surgery. Just not "they'll put mommy to sleep."
Sending you lots of good thoughts, calming thoughts, and the like.
Honesty is the best way to handle any situation with children. Be very open always and answer any questions they may have. I understand this is a scary time for you yourself. I was kinda thrown into this Chiari surgery and didn't even have a chance to explain what was going on. I was never sick and all a sudden I was diagnosed with an Basilar artery aneurysm, because of the blockage in my neck was misdiagnosis for so long and I went into emergency surgery.I did how ever had the decompression surgery later on. And I was able to prepare my boys who where 10 & 6 at the time. My kids where use to medical knowledge because I was a nurse and they where interested in it. I bought them each a cross neckless to have just in case something would happen to me. My kids also have a strong faith in God. My youngest son was born with a terminal illness and I also worked as a children's hospice nurse,and everyone always ask how I explain illness and death to children in a way they can understand. I always tell them that God has a plan for each and everyone of us and we will not leave this earth until that plan is complete here on earth. I always answer all questions honestly and if I don't know the answer we look it up together. Kids seem to handle things better then adults and as long as they know your ok with what is going on they will also be. God bless!
I do not have kids, but I was just in my early years of high school when I was diagnosed and had surgery.
Stay positive! Assure your kid(s) that this will make you feel sooo much better, and happier.
Since he fears that they could “cut your head off”, make sure he knows that these are professional brain workers. They have helped many people like you and more.
Perhaps you and your son can do research together; look up the surgery and find out the process that you will undergo. Maybe even see if your neurosurgeon can chat with him about the positive outcomes!
Unfortunately, you will be pretty much bed ridden for a month or two. Some people take longer or shorter than others. You should tell him that you will be tired and recovery will seem like a long time, but with his help around the house, it will go by faster.
Do not deny yourself the tears when they come, because they will. Actually, many emotions and new feelings will. Post-op is kind of weird like that. You can allow yourself to take off your super mom cape for a while, allow yourself to cry when you feel it, and of course smile and laugh as much as possible!
Although my mom did not have Chiari, she has had many surgeries on her knee and has also undergone a hysterectomy. During that time I was so young and scared that she have cancer on her ovaries or was going to b in pain forever. But she told me she was going to be okay and that the doctors would take good care of her. We talked to her every day that she had enough energy while she was in the hospital.
She even brought me home a pair of hospital socks! 
So, in gist, stay positive and realistic. You and your family will get through this together.
Best of luck on surgery and keep us updated!
<3 Olivia
My daughter was the same age as you son when I had my first surgery. I'm with you, I don't lie to my kids either. I told my daughter that I was going in for surgery...she had alot of the same fears. I explained that the doctors were going to make it where, hopefully, my headaches would be better. Jessie could relate to that because I suffered with horrific headaches. I also said, I was going to have a big scar on the back of my head...when I come home with the stitches, it would look like a zipper. She even came to see me in the hospital.
Jessie is now 15 and I asked her if she would have rather me not be so honest with your and she said "absolutely not...the best thing you did was tell me about your surgery and that you weren't going to be able to be as active. If you would have kept that from me, then to see you come home and in a hospital bed and not the same because of limitations. I would have seriously thought you were dieing...being prepared really helped me".
Any kind of a surgery, I think is hard on children. But telling them up front I feel is the best. What to expect after even. My parents didn't do this with me when my father was ill and when he eventually passed, it was horribly devastating. I didn't understand. This is why I chose to be so honest with Jessie.
I don't know your case...only mine, and my diagnosis is more than Chiari. I was also diagnosed with intracranial hypertention last summer and have a shunt. In 7 years i've had 11 surgeries. (5 of those last summer for my lumbar shunt/revisions) My biggest surgery, I spent 14days in Neuro ICU...I wasn't going to let her come at first, but she was relentless with both my husband and I, so we decided to let her come because she "had to see me for sure" otherwise she felt we were lieing and I was going to die. My daughter doesn't care for hospitals, understandably, but she's been an incredible force in my recovery, and I'm so thankful.
Blessings to you my friend
Stephanie Hembroff.