I have a co-worker who has spina bifida. She also had a chiari that was fixed when she was a child. She keeps trying to tell me how my recovery should going. She is really upsetting me. I don't think she realizes that our chirai's are very different in the way they were formed and treated. It has been 40ish years since hers was fixed and I just can't take her telling me how I should be recovering. I am only 5wks post op and teaching half days. It is getting to the point that I think she is telling fellow co-workers that I am milking it. I don't know what to do. She is on my teaching team and so I know a confrontation would make the rest of this year even worse. She is the queen of drama queens and i think she can't stand that someone else has something worse than her going on.
I wouldn't let her words discourage you. We all heal at different rates. Children tend to heal faster and she probably doesn't recall the pain as time dulls are memory of those sensations. I am 6 weeks post-op and I asked for an extension of my leave, as I'm a nurse and have to do heavy patient care with lifting and being on my feet for 8 hours. There is nothing I'd rather do than return to work. I am bored with tv and can't really do any heavy spring cleaning. I would try to ignore her comments and let it roll off. The energy used on being on the defensive just takes the energy away from your healing. Keep your cool, thank her for her concern, and let her have her limelight. Its her claim to fame. You are more than CM.
I would also try to let it slide. You are more than likely not the only one who thinks she is a Drama Queen. I usually take what a known Drama Queen says with a grain of salt. I know people in IRL that always have to have something worse than anyone else and boy does that get annoying.
Sounds like your recovery is going OK. Most people are not back to work until at least 6 weeks.
My Chiari was also caused by Spina Bifida Occulta. This type of Spina Bifida you don't know you have it until you are an adult. I totally agree with Mary. Everyone of us with CM is different....Different symptoms post & pre surgical & prognosis. Ask her to join this group. Then she will be told that a lot has changed regarding treatment in 40 years. I understand why you don't want to confront her. It has been my experience if you know she is a Drama Queen, so does everyone else. As long as your boss is ok with your schedule, Please do not worry about this woman. Stress and negativity will only make you feel worse. I am very glad you have been able to return to work...Just smile and tell her thank you for her opinins & walk away. It will be the best plan and she will get the hint...
Thanks ladies! I have been taking that approach for a few weeks now and she just keeps getting worse. Today she even had the audacity to tell me I needed to lose weight. That the symptoms I am experiencing are weight related not CM related. Today is the 1st day I have let her really get to me. She is Debbie Downer all the time. I am actually going to apply for some other jobs for next year. A new chance at life and a fresh start at a new school sounds really good!!!
I would try to kindly point out to her that if she had hers fixed as a child her recovery was probably much easier AND she probably doesn't remember the bad points nearly as well.
When I was 29 I got my tonsils out the same day as my daughter who was 12 at the time...she did remarkably well. I literally couldn't eat anything, I mean at all, not yogurt, pudding, ice cream, nothing for 2 entire weeks. I was in the worst pain of my life...worst than labor! The doctor warned that adults heal slower and more painfully but I didn't know the difference would be that vast!
So sorry you are having to deal with someome like that...on a daily basis none the less!
I have found people that act like that are usually unhappy in their own lives and possibly even jealous of you. One of those instances where perhaps she is tearing you down to build herself up...no self esteeem Sally, as my Mom used to say (LOL!)
Maybe she is jealous that your recovery has gone so well, or that you have a supportive husband...or even that you have a medical condition that is current and the attention she once had is taken away from her. I work with someone similar to that. It's as if negative attention is better than no attention at all. I try to be compasionate because that would be a miserable way to live--always so angry and mean....even though it is hard to bite my tongue at times.
You are close to the end of the school year, just not as close as you'd probably like, huh??!!
If it helps at all I’m a teacher and my surgeon will not let me go back till at least 9 weeks post op an then only part time 3 days a week for another 6 weeks, maybe tell her that so she realizes you are doing amazingly. Stay strong and positive . Don’t let her own issues drag you down xo
oooh, this lady makes my blood boil just hearing about her. If there was a way I could stick it to this woman for you I would! I have a similar situation - i'm a teacher and the way people have treated me these past 2 years with symptoms pre-op has been horrible. I'm actually being investigated right now. A person on my team made stuff up and now i'm on leave. It's almost like they want to "get the sick girl". The good news is that I've had 8 weeks pre-op to eat and rest up for surgery. i think some people, like you said, are jealous of the attention. then others look at you and think you're faking it. If there is a way to use all that frustration and anger toward them to your healing, do it. At least that's what i plan to do. i heard a quote a little too late in my case, "don't tell people about your problems- 20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them." Of course that's a little severe, and leaving out your fellow chiarians who DO care and want us all better, but you get the point- especially in the school system. Avoid this lady as much as you can. you don't need to be around that when you need to be filled with positive, calming, supportive people. Seek them out and find a way to "detox" when you get home from that environment. all the best of healing and positive energies! Maybe truly thanks those who have been supportive for you at school. they will stay on your side and support you more and less likely to take sides with this "destructive" lady.
I'm sorry you are going through this. You may not wish to pursue this route, but do you have a union rep or HR rep you can speak with? I do not believe she is not allowed to be discussing your medical condition or her perceived view of your medical condition with anyone at your place of employment. Having a simple discussion with HR or your union could get her to back off. Although you may have a close working environment with your colleagues, it is your decision to choose when and what to discuss with your co-workers, not hers, and for her to do could be some serious violations of policies, procedures, or perhaps even employment law (not positive about this one though).
Best of luck to you, I know this must be sticky. Hope you are soon able to focus on YOU and your recovery.