I am engaged to a wonderful woman who has Chiari Malformation Type 3. She is post decompression surgery, but is still afflicted with unpredictable and debilitating headaches. It is better than it was, but it still is a major factor in her life, and by extension in both our lives.
I am trying my best to understand how to be the best partner I can be for her. I have no delusions about every completely understanding chronic pain, it's not something I have experience with. Chronic illness, yes, but not chronic pain.
I suffer from Bipolar II, which helps a bit in that I do know what it's like to wake up and the problem is still there. It's amazing how much scarier the word "chronic" is when it speaks about ones own health. It also understand that there is sometimes nothing I can do to help, and accepting that reality is not an easy task, but it's the way things are.
I love my fiancee very much, and I intend to be with her the rest of my allotted time on this planet. Well, and any other planets I suppose should the opportunity arise :). So, I joined this site to understand Chiari better and to learn anything I can to do the best I can for her.
Goblin, your fiancee is fortunate to have you by her side. I am sure you have had a chance to read up in past discussions, but I wanted to mention you explore the Chiari Info for Members’ tab as well. You may also want to join our Facebook Categivers Support Community. There is a link listed here to the right. Hopefully others here will share experiences as well.
Best wishes and congrats on your coming wedding.
Hugs,
Laurie
Trying to understand chronic illness is difficult for those who are looking from the outside, but also, it is difficult for those dealing with it. Just be understanding and supportive. The most frustrating thing for us is that people don't understand. Think of it this way, if you were in her shoes, what would you want. You seem to love her a great deal and that counts a lot. Hang in there, I know it's tough. Get all the information you can on Chiari, and, let us in this community be supportive and understanding to you as well, you're going to need it.
Read as much as you can on her condition. Dont try to fix mostly we just want someone to listen. Dont call her lazy, or mean etc…as sometimes chronic pain makes me want to sleep and im super cranky and irritable and just want to be hugged, snuggled, and understood. Shes lucky to have someone who does want to understand, i didnt. Be proud of your strength, her strength, and the strength of your relationship through this.