doing this the easy way with bukkeets and numbers. way to hard to do it the other way and pain and other things are preventing it so lets go:
- Things are back to a near normal state with Chrissy and I. With other individual, we are talking but still tense with easing in my opinion
- I have gotten mor freedom, and the ladies have realized I ask for help when needed or admit I can not do something
- 35 weeks on Friday
- Katrina's 504 plan for her epilepsy completed at the school this morning ~ went very well
- got new stroller and car seat for baby...its cute and safe
The Bad ~
- took PCP's migraine cocktail (homemade torodol) bad results twitching/tremors/involuntary spasms started on left then moved to right
- migraines and pressure headachjes are back with a royal venegence. they are kicking my but bad. feeling very depressed about this.
- I am feeling down after surgery due to not noticing change. I know it takes time but the only change I really notice is that the numbness takes longer to start (more in ugly)
- Baby test tonight ~ baby was unresponsive and low heart rate, did improve ~ irrated OB was there but did not do a Frickin frackin thing
- feel as if I can not handle face to face support group
- Can not get to old pcp for about 2 weeks and new PCP for about 10 days to discuss above and below issues
The Ugly~ some is very brutal and negative just so you know
- not due to any outside stressors or what people are saying; Having self esteem, self worth, and self confidence issues. Feel like I have put up a front for too long and nothing is right. I am looking into counseling, that should help.
- numbness in legs causing more falls/numbness is more severe
- tremors/twitching/spasms in legs getting worse sometimes feel paralyzed on left side, mostly night time and left leg
- more visual spots and floaters, mostly night time
- not sure of cause whether cm/sm/POTS or all conbined but been having bad chest pains as well see cardiologist next monthecho on 8th of Sept.
- the usual cm/sm experience friends and family doubting that I ever had anything wrong with me and since I have had surgery, I shoould be all better. have even been told that I should not be receiving SSDI (hasn't started yet but slowly receiving information and paperwork...should begin soon) because that is for people who are really disabled.....talk about feeling rejected.
and in all the above catergories I wanted to put 6 or 7 weeks (not sure) post op. It oddly does not make me feel better saying that I am post op. It seems that when stress is gone at home I feel as if I am falling apart but the stress is present (which I really do not want) I feel as if I am superman.
I have reflected back about two weeks and have not done anything to over exert my physical limits; mental and emotional probably.
Finally doc B is finished with me for the most part. As it was said he could not say that the surgery would not make me worse or show significant improvement, Also as far as he is concerned I am not having problems realted to CM as tht was fixed and I should be able to return to work......
Very confused, depressed, and unsure....
night all and for those of you who are in the path of Issac please listen to authorities, be safe , and god bless