I'm usually so positive and happy and I haven't been lately.
I'm bumming myself out.
Here's the short of it.
I want attention.
My husband was deployed for my first baby. My husband had just had foot surgery prior to my second c-section and we were in another country so I was taking care of him prior to and after my surgery since we had no family overseas. To say that I wanted to be the center of attention isn't correct, but I wanted a little fuss over me. As a stay at home mom I am always fussing over the kids or husband and I've neglected myself. I just want a little fuss.
I was hoping that with my surgery being less than a week away I'd get some time to be fussed over a bit. Nope. We got a surprise visit from my 13 year old step son who is loud, unruly and hooked on video games, talking about video games, making video game noises all the time, etc. He's a good kid, but going through a rough time. And I'm at my very worst right now as well. On top of it my husband has had to work double duty this whole week and hasn't even seen his older son. So I've been stuck trying to entertain a bored 13 year old, manage my 1 and 3 year old, keep the house clean (I am AMAZED at the mess a 13 year old creates compared to a 3 year old), cook, and just do it all. Then my husband comes home from work at 11pm every night (after going in at 4am) and just talks AT me about how much he hates the ARMY until I fall asleep.
I am going to fawking snap. I am horrified of having surgery. I get zero down time. I'm stumbling all over the fawking house b/c of drop attacks. I just need someone to take care of me for an afternoon. I don't want the world to revolve around me, but I just want....I don't know. I don't know what I want. But I do know that I don't want the chaos that I have right now. I wanted time to unwind before surgery.
And my husband has to drive 3.5 hours each way to the airport the day my stepson leaves. Which is also our anniversary. Which is also the first time in 5 years we've been in the same country for our anniversary. I scheduled surgery the day after my anniversary in the hopes we could actually do something this year. But he won't get home until 9pm that night. And by 9pm I'm shot and in no shape to go out and have fun. Not to mention I'll be having my skull split open the following afternoon.
Where the fawk is my time???
How depressing was this?
Sorry guys.
Geez louise.
Ok. I'm done. I'm over it. My little pity party. Whaa whaaaaa.
Buck up champ.
Ok.
*Anyone like my motivational speech I just gave myself in my own post?? I clearly need some mental help right now!! AGH!!!!!!!*