While, finding out I have this, it explained a lot about things in my life, doesn’t mean I’m not scared. I have a medical backgroun, do I understand everything that I was told. Bedside manner was bad, I wasn’t treated like a pt, more like coworker. When I told my husband, he asked if I was going to start shaking like Michael J Fox, so ignorant. I’ve had neck surgery due to being a paramedic for 17 years, but I was told after my next fusion, I will have pain the rest of my life. I’m only 40. People have told me everything from, I’ll be on painkillers forever, to I should try MM. I have never done drugs, and it’s not something I want to do. I feel lost and alone
Hi Ann, I am very sorry to hear this. No one wants to be in this position and to make jokes about it can be quite disheartening. I don't know what type of person your husband is but maybe making jokes is his way of coping? It certainly isn't nice but perhaps this is his way of dealing with fear? Have you asked your husband to go with you to any appointments - sometimes that can be helpful. If your doctor isn't treating you with dignity perhaps it is time to find a new doctor? There are several great resources here on communicating with others about chronic pain / illness. I am going to include the links here, please know that I am thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way. http://www.chiarisupport.org/forum/topics/open-letter-from-a-person-with-chronic-pain
http://www.chiarisupport.org/forum/topics/helpful-things-to-say-to-someone-with-a-chronic-condition
Thank you for your kind words. Jokes are not the way my husband deals with things, he’s just mean. He has no desire to find out about my condition. I just know I’m scared, and have no one to turn too. That’s why I joined this group. I can share my good and bad days, and have people listen and care. I don’t think I mentioned it, but I’m Type 1. I have had multiple MRIs and CAT scans since I was 17, and it wasn’t found until last week. My hope was, that after I have my next neck surgery, the pain would be gone, but now I know it won’t be. Any tips on what helped other people? I don’t wan’t to be on painkillers the rest of my life. My sister is a Yoga instructor. I was thinking about trying that, see if it helps
Was your husband by any chance an athlete? It sounds to me like locker room banter/bravado. It is mean. Its also far too natural with guys. It is with good intent. Give him the big eyes and puffy lower lip when he starts. Most of us are suckers for that move, it should stop. If not the back of the hand on the forehead is a good move too, but don't over use it. We all want to believe our luck hasn't run out......
Believe it or not they are trying to be supportive........................ You don't get much understanding from people who haven't been down the road in some way, thats why we are here.
So is your upcoming surgery chiari or repair? Either way Pain Rehab is successful for most folk and they do NOT live on medication if that is their desire. It is a lot of work. There are multiple threads on Yoga, but yes it is very helpful. Hang in there
He is. He almost went Pro in Baseball, but had a shoulder injury. He kinda Al Bundy’s his way through life. Pouting, crying, talking, yelling does nothing. He acts like I’m not in the room. I am having another fussion in my neck. I found this group, because I have no support. My sister is a yoga instructor, and when my surgeon gives me the OK, I’m going to train with her.
Jock or not, my husband coded on my couch,(as a medic and wife) I didn’t hesitate. I did CPR and was breathing for him. He’s alive because of me, and this is what I get. Not a hug, not an explain this to me more, just, move LaBron is on
Yup, Jock mentality, The breed is easily the most self centered, most INSECURE, and most capable of living in DENIAL, I have ever seen.
Key in on the insecure and Denial. Remember Jocks don't make decisions, they are made for them.
So why the second fusion different spot?
Like I said, 17 years of being a Paramedic took it’s toll on my body. I fell in December and did more damage, so, they need to fuse it to the graft above it. It’s all so wonderful lol.
My husband has not been a good man for about 12 years of our 18 year marriage. He has many demonds. I don’t see us surviving this. Kinda doomed from the start, he’s a jock, I’m a punk rock chick. Such is life, right?
Such is life is right. BUT there is some good news doing a fusion as a result of new injury as opposed to stress on the first one almost always has a good outcome. Working down as each vertebrae fails on the other hand is a bit scary. So lets keep fingers crossed.
I wouldn't be so sure about doomed, This is the kind of event that can make a jock grow up. I sent two to the pros BTW. Some counseling does help. It takes some of them a while to learn their career is over and to take on new challenges. My son was NFL, my daughter Tennis. he had trouble. She was thrilled.
My husband’s problems have been going on long before this. He’s a pill addict and gambling addict. I’m at the back of the line when it comes to priorities. It’s fine. I am a strong woman. I can do this. Just wanted someone to hold me when I found out. Didn’t happen. I’ll just push on. I’ll live
Of course you will survive AND thrive.................... You have almost 6000 new friends who are behind you even if you don't here from all of them.
That’s why I looked for you guys. People whom know what I’m going through, and I can count on to lift my spirits. Thank you
Ann I understand your pain sometime u just want someone to tell u it’s going to be ok! My husband is here for me and he still don’t understand why I needed him so much. But I am here for u if u need me.
Thank you Debra. My husband isn’t going to come around. He cares only about himself. We had serious problems before this. Aside from his addictions( which causes him to steal my medication) he is a huge mama’s boy. She’s also an addict and wants my husband to leave so she can go take care of her. They would both be dead in a week. I have a 15 year old daughter, but I can’t talk to a kid about my problems. I feel so lost and alone. I’m afraid the stress is just going to make me worse. Like I said, I’m lost
Hi what area are u in ? I really feel your pain .I too have a husband who only is about himself who drinks instead of drugs now not any better.Oh I’m sorry I’m Stephanie lol that always helps huh.I have no friends due to the understanding the pain I deal with daily not knowing how bad it’ll be so I’m a home body now with 4great kids that seem to only understand me they are my best friends but like u said u can’t tell your kids a lot of things so I wanted u to know u can contact me anytime if u need to talk ok this site is a life saver with people who are real angels. Take care I’ll keep u and ur daughter in my prayers
I was so blessed to find everyone. I tend to keep things to myself, because who the hell is listening any way. I’m guessing you’re in Vegas? I’m in the South West, Warmsprings and Durango. I do know what it’s like to have an addict that doesn’t care. I’ll be your friend. Get ahold of me any time. I’m here
I’m really new to this Chiari thing but I’m not new to men and marriage! If you’ve been having problems like this for this long with this jerk then you needed to have kicked him to the curb years ago and given yourself time to realize you are worth more and deserve way better! But that’s a whole new issue! Sorry you are dealing with all of this on top of the pain!
Im right there with ya. I seperated from my gf because of her attitude and misunderstanding of my chiari. Im so much much more relaxed and my pain has reduced. I use mmj and have for 5 yrs. You can get types that are just for pain not for recreation now. Im from colorado, go figure, lol, so i know alot about mm. Dont be bullied into thinking your health, welfare and comfort isnt important. Feel free to message me.
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