My 16 yr old daughter is having decompression w/ duraplasty in July. I am just trying to find any advice to help me help her during the few days before surgery to help her prepare and to help myself and her for that matter prepare for what will happen after surgery. She is very scared. I have tried to get her to join this support group but she is 16 and very subborn. To be honest I am just as scared as her.
Thank you,
Carrie
Teens are still children and sadly have less concept of consequences than a 5 year old. It doesn't matter how bright or responsible they are. I say this because as a mom you are going to want to "mom" her and she may want it even if she seems to reject it. BUT if either one of you are going to survive the most important thing you can do while being sympathetic is to maintain as much normalcy before and after the surgery as you can. Schedules go out the window in the summer but its going to be critical to be on one. anyway up and moving, chores to the best of her ability, exercise walking etc etc. If you aren't careful she can and will burrow into her bed and become pretty depressed.
For her own good I would tend to limit her screen time If you don't have a screen time contract or way to earn the family wifi pass word for the day. This is a good time to start. (I'm not trying to give parenting advice, just trying to give some ideas on how to protect her from some consequences that come from surgery) Facetime etc is fine but make sure if she does it its on a PC not her phone. Small screens are not her friend and use way to many saturated colors. The more shes up fresh air etc the better she will do.
Don't worry about demanding to much, you can pull back but its hard to up the ante. Don't worry about her "hating you" and " you not caring" If you don't hear it along the way you aren't doing your Job. My wife has probably told our 9, 5000 times while they were growing up. "I love to show partiality" and "Its my job to mmake you miserable - I know at least 1000 other ways want to see them"
Hang in there mom you both will do fine. Teens usually bounce back in very short order. Their "teenness" demands thy be tough. so give them the cuddles anyway they are very vulnerable underneath the stubbornness and bluster
Thank you very much TJ1. Every since we got the surgery date she has been glued to my side. I leave to run errands she is right there, I go to work she is texting me to say hi or just random. I feel bad because she is at the "why is this happening to me?" and "Why does my neck hurt all the time so much?" point... She is running out of patience and strength.. I try to keep her busy as much as I can.. But yes if she had it her way she would stay in bed all day. I got her a laptop computer for surgery so she does not have to look at the screen of her ipod or phone. I am hoping this is better for her. I appreciate all your words of advice... I am definitely changing a few things at home.
Her surgery date was moved up. They have an opening this Thursday and her surgeon wants her in then. Feels she has been suffering enough and wants to get her on the road to recovery as soon as possible.
Your daughters surgeon sounds like a thoughtful and caring medic. We all wish your daughter (and her mom) a successful surgery on Thursday. We'll be thinking of you both. Come back any time you need support and we (obviously) look forward to hearing how everything goes and that she's doing well in recovery. Jules
thank you very much! I will make sure to update as I am sure she will too..
Jules G said:
Your daughters surgeon sounds like a thoughtful and caring medic. We all wish your daughter (and her mom) a successful surgery on Thursday. We'll be thinking of you both. Come back any time you need support and we (obviously) look forward to hearing how everything goes and that she's doing well in recovery. Jules