As many of you know..my bro-in-law. Jean-O...I refer to him as my brother as we are very close..anyway..he was Dx'd with Stage 4 colon Cancer about 10mths ago.
I got a horiffic call from my sister..Jean-O had scans done and after all the chemo , ect..the cancer has grown and more spots have appeared. They are devistated and shocked, mainly b/c he had a scan in Sept that showed much improvement.
I am feeling guilty b/c I have not been there for them they way I should have ..due to non Chiari related health issues..my issue is not life threatening in the least..just painful.
Here these past few mths since I have been ill both sister and brother have been so concerned over me! It is killing me that there is nothing I can do..and that I have been a burden to them.
I had a very bad feeling about these scans..very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach...Jean-O's primary is the same doc my hubby has and we were just there Wed. and the doc does not have a good poker face..nor does his assistant...ya know that look , when people know that you or someone you love is in danger? My hubby thought I was being paronoid.
I guess I cannot compare myself to my brother ..I just feel sad that I haven't really been there for him as I usually am...my issues are nothing compared to his and he rarely complains.
I cannot get out of my own way right now..I have my coat on..have tons of things to do...but just cannot move.
I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know it's hard not to feel guilty but I'm sure your BIL knows how much you care for him and probably doesn't see the situation the way you do at all. It's so easy for us to be hard on ourselves! I'll be praying for your family!
Your Brother in Law & Sister love you. We all know you are broken hearted. Even though we understand your guilt, it is misplaced. When you or I or anyone was diagnosed with CM & related disorders. We knew our families loved us & were there for us, but how much did we depend on them? (Some may say CM is not life threatening, but mine was.) We would talk to them if they called, but I didn't reach out. Maybe that is just me. I even prayed for death at certain points. Sometimes in life we have to walk alone right or wrong. Cancer is ugly. I pray for Jean O and your whole family. Just please be gentle with yourself. Your plate is overflowing. There is not a doubt in my mind you wouldn't do anything for anyone, especially your family. You are an incredible friend & person. You are greatly loved. It's very hard to be there consistently for others when we live with volatile illnesses. Chiari affects every part of our lives. It's not fair or right and stinks most of the time. I wish I could give you a hug and make you a cup of tea and take over for you for a while.
I'm so sorry to hear about your brother in law. It's so hard to be there for other people when you can hardly take care of yourself. I can completely sympathize - our dear friend/room mate (we've all lived together for several years) was admitted to the hospital for an emergency colectomy. I'm trying hard to be supportive, especially since he's having awful complications, but I can barely function myself... He wanted me to visit him in the hospital but since I can't drive, and I'm in pain all the time and I thought he would be home after a week I didn't bother. Now he's back in the ICU... I feel guilty as well. You're not alone!
I'm sure your sister and brother-in-law know that you care deeply about them. They understand you're doing the best you can. Even small things like sending an email letting them know you're thinking about them can be so uplifting. Take care of yourself - they would feel worse if you ran yourself ragged trying to support them.
I'll keep all of you in my thoughts and hope for a great outcome for everyone,
You are all in my thoughts. Try not to be to hard on yourself,, you know that JeanO wouldn't want you to feel this way. Your pain is real, so don't weigh yourself down with emotional guilt. I will pray for you and your family.
I am devastated at your recent news. I don't know how I missed your discussion here, I trying to be so good about checking the site, but I always miss the important things. I'm not a very good friend.
I know that you love Jean-O so much! He is really going through a rough and traumatic time with this DAMN cancer (excuse my language but it makes me so angry!). You have always been there for them. Even if you are not physically there, they know they are always in your thoughts and prayers. You are a wonderful, understanding and compassionate sister and they are incredibly blessed to have you.
Fill me in on your health stuff and Michael's, too :)