Does anyone else feel like they annoy the people around them on the bad days? The days where NOTHING helps the migraines and you just desperately for someone to knock you out? I’ve come to the low point of jokingly begging my family to just cut it out since I saw the surgery on YouTube… They didn’t find my joke very funny (but they’re sticks in the mud). I have problems with depression and mood swings (possibly bipolar 2) and I take Zoloft, but I still have days where my self esteem is so low that I feel ALONE. I know I have all y’all, and I’m thankful to tears for that, but does anyone else go through moments where you feel like no one can stand you and everyone is just pretending? In the past when I’ve felt this, I ask those closest to me honestly how they feel, and they adamantly assure me that it’s all in my head, and a rational part of my extra-large brain (ha) knows that’s true, but a sensitive emo part of me ignores that and feels like a total loser. I mean, thoughts like “Who honestly wants to put up with me when I’m in pain like every single day?” And “I’ll bet people get so sick of listening to me complain about another migraine” “What if people are only nice to my face? What if they hate me?” “What if people only say they’re my friends because they don’t want to hurt the nerdy poor girl with the 'weird brain thing’s feelings?”
… It’s just a sad evening. I don’t know why I feel this way. I’m not unlikable I don’t think: I mean, I’m friendly, I love helping others, I’m never mean to anyone… I’ve just never been ‘cool’ enough to be confident. I’m far from rich, I have been deemed a teachers pet and a suck-up just because I believe in helping people when they need it, and teachers nearly always need help since they do SO much… I’m off topic, oops. People are mean to me occasionally because I “ramble” so I’m not afraid to really talk to anyone but my mom about deep things because she’s the only one who seems to accept that my mind tends to wander and my mouth just follows it. The thing is, every time I’m in severe pain, my mouth feels the need to let everyone know about it in the hopes that I can be left alone in a quiet place to suffer in silence, and I fear I’m just annoying everybody who knows me.
How’s THAT for a rant? :(: (that’s a bipolar smiley)
I feel this way sometimes too. I feel like there is always something going on with me either with health or family and I wonder if it annoys everyone to hear me vent. I try to balance talking and listening but I'm still paranoid that I'm over venting. Also I'm pretty sure I'm annoying to talk to. I ramble. I repeat myself. I kind of have an unpleasant accent. I'm from D.C. but I live in WV...everyone around me has a pleasant southern accent and I just sound harsh in comparison. Also I'm socially awkward.
Yeah...so how was that for making things all about me? lol. The point I was trying to come to is that I'm fairly certain that it's normal to feel this way. Especially if you are already sick and in discomfort...your mood is naturally lower which plays up the insecurities we all have. You seem very kind and I can't imagine that people don't enjoy being around you! Remember that we are always going to be our harshest critics! :)
I’m crying good tears right now reading this. I would say you guys have no idea how good it feels to have this support group, but I know you DO have an idea. Anglyn, I felt like I was reading my own journal when I read your story- I ramble too, and repeat myself, and get sidetracked by another story! I too try to listen, but I still feel like I talk too much! I feel so much better just knowing I’m not alone in this. I try hard not to get caught up in my personal fable (Psych term!) and I just have to keep on going through the bad days. Smozer, you make perfect sense. I need to focus on my group of people who understand (or try to) my constant troubles, and I need to work on ignoring the mean people in life. If only they could stay at high school when I leave in May! I’m definitely going to try laughing at myself---- I have a great sense of humor, so maybe laughing through the pain will do me some good
On a side note, many of you here have mentioned arm tremors…? Is that something that you’ve always had, or did it come on later in life?
Sometimes I also feel this way.It's hard to make your family understand when one minute your fine and the next you are praying for some one to knock you out. And when I try to talk to them I feel like they think I'm complaining. I really don't have anyone around me that understands. I have a lot of symptoms but I don't have the same ones all the time. They come and go. Even the doctors around here don't listen to me. My NL tells me that they are not related to my chiari. But he can't explain whats causing my symptoms. All he does is give me meds that don't work. I get so upset so I stop going to the NL. I mean whats the point in paying all the money if they can't help me. UGh! Sorry to rant, guess I'm just having on of those days.lol Thats why I like this site so much, cause I can read other stories and know I'm not alone and I'm not crazy! lol
As for the arm tremors, I don't have that. I do however have burning pains in my arms and in my shoulder blade area. I also have tingling in my hands and feet. Mostly in my hands. These come and go, but often get so bad that I have to lay down to get relief. I had a bad spell a year or two ago where my left arm and shoulder blade burned straight for 3 months. The only time it went away was when I laid down. Could not stand for more that 15 min and the pain would come back. We to the NL and he said it wasn't from Chiari. Recently the pain has been get worse, I'm scared its gonna come back and stay. Has anyone else experienced this?
I understand you too. I also seem to ramble, and also forget what I am talking about a lot. I am self conscious about people thinking I am stupid or that they get annoyed and don't want to talk to me. I am leery to tell people how I feel, because they can't see it when they look at me. Sometimes I feel if people could visually see the pain and problems that we go through they would understand better. I also think that some people might think I complain, but if they only knew that I feel the need to let people know. How else would they know if not for me telling them? I don't want to look like a crazy person if I need to stop and rest my head until my headache goes away. Or sit down because I get dizzy. Or all the sudden get so tired that I feel like I am going to die if I can't lie down. I have a whole gamut of symptoms these are just a few.
I’ve definitely experienced my NL telling me my symptoms are not from my chiari- but he too has no answers for them regardless, only pills that don’t work! I know without a doubt that he is wrong- my migraines, my dizziness, my lack of coordination, and heck maybe even my fatigue are all chiari-related! No way can it just be “Unexplainable”.
Donna, I totally agree! I wish sometimes that people could SEE our pain, so they’d know we aren’t just making it up or over exaggerating how bad it is. I don’t even tell anyone most of the time when I have little spurts of symptoms: the dizziness every time I stand, the random rushes of pain when I bend over, how walking around in a bright, crowded area with lots of stairs makes me nauseous with the pain… The list goes on! If I told everyone every single time I’m in pain, they’d call me crazy and think I was lying. That’s why I limit my telling people. I mean, I’m already known as “That smart girl with the long red hair and the back/neck problems who gets migraines a lot” I really don’t want to be known as "That crazy redhead who thinks she’s always in pain, yeah right"
I hope that makes sense! Lol, a ton of my peers don’t follow my way of speaking very well. It’s their loss, because if they understood half of what I was talking about, they’d definitely not see me as so strange. It’s not my fault they weren’t raised to love books and learn as much about life as I was! <---- that’s what I tell myself silently every time someone looks at me like I’m speaking another language because I know what my cervical, thoracic, and lumbar spine are, and I know all the parts of the brain and what they do. Seriously. Okay, now I’m rambling! Oops! My bad!
I hope I don’t progress to arm tremors. That sounds awful, and I’m so sorry that anyone has to go through that Actually, I’m sorry any of us have to go through this at all! I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Well, maybe when I have a migraine I wish it on my worst enemy, but we all know you can’t be blamed for the dark thoughts migraines bring out
Actually, I’m sorry any of us have to go through this at all! I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Well, maybe when I have a migraine I wish it on my worst enemy, but we all know you can’t be blamed for the dark thoughts migraines bring out 