I have this anxiety most days when I know I must be somewhere..doesn't even matter if it is for a social occation...never mind a doc appt.
Like right now..I feel as though I have done my limit for leaving the house today. Took Victoria to her doc appt., looked at used SUV's, put down payment on one....now We have to go to the bank, back to the dealer...a real project for me..sounds crazy..it is, I guess.
I just got out of the hospital 2 days ago from an infection and the very next day went and cred for mom..I guess I just haven't had time to re-coup from that incident. It is always something health-wise with me..and then the GUILT comes into play....I cannot shack this feeling of inadequecy (sp)...I just feel somedays like i am just taking up space.
I know I am way too sensitive...but last nite , after caring for mom all day, I was wiped out...I had to go to the HS for my oldest girls sports orientation. Well...There was a guest speaker there who had suffered yrs back from concussions and now has severe permanent brain damage..he did talk a long time, but his message was great....I was so put off at both the parents and the students rolling their eyes, sighing,.."when is he gonna shut up"...
Anyway, me being me..when my girl made a comment that he went on too long..all I said was .."EMPATHY WOULD BE NICE". Well, that went over like a fart in church!!!!
Then she went on to say something to the effect that her friends moms all 'work and you don't..they don't have time for all this'. I went home and cried..I wanted to scream.."DON'T YOU THINK I WANT TO BE OUT THERE WORKING,MAKING FRIENDS, FEELING APPRECIATED????????"
Wow guys...I am really going off topic here and venting.....sorry.
Do any of you guys get any of what I am feeling ???
I so get what you are feeling! Most days I don't leave the house and that is fine with me. I would rather be here at home with my dogs all day and not have to go anywhere. It is a big deal for me, too, to leave the house and go to the doctor or anything. Now with all I have to do and all the people I have to talk to with the Walk is really causing me anxiety. I really do know what you mean, Lori. It is a lonely life and sometimes I wonder, too, why I am here taking up space. I feel like if I weren't here, no one would really miss me. It is especially hard when our immediate family doesn't get it. My kids are pretty good about it, but I wasn't diagnosed until my kids were adults so they took it better, you know?
I hope that today finds you feeling better about things. I think you are amazing for all you do for your mom and your family. It sounds like you accomplished alot the other day with kids starting school, car lots, etc. It is very tiring and then we get frustrated because we can't go on anymore. You are not alone, my friend :(
I want to talk more about this with you. Maybe we can chat sometime soon. Please know that I am here for you! If you want my phone number, please let me know.
I understand how you feel too. My family doesn’t get it. Like I want to feel like crap everyday.
I hope things get easier for you.
Hugs,
Mindy
Carla Jo Stone said:
Lori,
I so get what you are feeling! Most days I don’t leave the house and that is fine with me. I would rather be here at home with my dogs all day and not have to go anywhere. It is a big deal for me, too, to leave the house and go to the doctor or anything. Now with all I have to do and all the people I have to talk to with the Walk is really causing me anxiety. I really do know what you mean, Lori. It is a lonely life and sometimes I wonder, too, why I am here taking up space. I feel like if I weren’t here, no one would really miss me. It is especially hard when our immediate family doesn’t get it. My kids are pretty good about it, but I wasn’t diagnosed until my kids were adults so they took it better, you know?
I hope that today finds you feeling better about things. I think you are amazing for all you do for your mom and your family. It sounds like you accomplished alot the other day with kids starting school, car lots, etc. It is very tiring and then we get frustrated because we can’t go on anymore. You are not alone, my friend
I want to talk more about this with you. Maybe we can chat sometime soon. Please know that I am here for you! If you want my phone number, please let me know.
I’m sorry that you are being misunderstood. I think it’s harder when you have an invisible disorder. Ppl look at you and expect you to be fine because you look whole on the outside. I’m sorry girl. Big hugs.
lori said:
Thanks Abby…
I know you ‘get it’…thanks for your caring and prayers!!
I totally understand what you are saying. Love that you have a sense of humor. I like the "fart" analogy.
Venting is good for all. I like to hear people speak honestly. It reminds me that I am human and there is no easy, right, or pretty way to deal with this. You are definitely not alone.
Thanks for 'getting it'!!! Just the thought of going to the grocery store today is actually making me anxious...the last couple of days I have been having visual problems(blurriness) nothing that bad..but enough to make it hard to focus.
Thanks for liking my crazy sense of humor...somedays it is the only way to get through...that and the Grace of God..You all should be proud of me...I FINALLY made it to church yesterday after being AWOL for 3 mths!!!LOL
You guys here are the best...I know I am not alone..somedays are tough, you know how it goes.
Hey, I'm sorry that you are having to care for so many ppl while trying to take care of yourself. It's not an easy task when you are caring for folks you don't understand what is going on with you.. I think if you accomplished ALL that in a day you should be extremely proud of yourself!! There are days I don't leave the house or even go outside for that matter, my kids hate me for it.
I too have a TON of anxiety and it keeps me from enjoying things that I used to (and so does the pain)..... My siblings make fun of me and call me an old fuddy duddy (I am the youngest) because I don't do anything cept for stay in.. Kinda like a "Nick at Night" mom (but my house is not always as clean as theres)... teeheehee I only drive when I have too, I only leave when I have to, I like to sew ect.
Oh and I don't like people to come over either.. Anyways, as many have said, you are not alone on the dark days of Chiari, we are here!!
listen to Johnny Cash "Ain't No Grave" it always makes me feel better!
Wow. I really understand the grocery store trip. I have one literally at the end o my street and I get scared that it’s going to overwhelm me just to go there and get a few things.
It’s embarrassing to even admit I can’t do the things I used to anymore.
lori said:
Thanks for ‘getting it’!!! Just the thought of going to the grocery store today is actually making me anxious…the last couple of days I have been having visual problems(blurriness) nothing that bad…but enough to make it hard to focus.
Thanks for liking my crazy sense of humor…somedays it is the only way to get through…that and the Grace of God…You all should be proud of me…I FINALLY made it to church yesterday after being AWOL for 3 mths!!!LOL
You guys here are the best…I know I am not alone…somedays are tough, you know how it goes.
