So, I left my last neurologist earlier this year for reasons that I won't get into. I realize now that I should have stayed with him. Started seeing a new neurologist in late March. Ever since I started seeing him I've experienced more pain, more frustration, more dismissiveness of my Chiari, and brand new depression - I've never had depression before! I should have known after my 2nd visit when they started making me see his Physician Assistant instead of him, and the Physician Assistant said "well, I don't think there's anything else we can do for you" that there were going to be problems. I think my final straw was tonight.
This year I struggled with an extreme adverse reaction to Botox injections that took 3 months to heal (severe neck pain), quit Cymbalta cold turkey that left me horrendously sick for a month (my bad; I didn't know, so I accept full responsibility for this one!), a minor car accident, and then a month ago the neurologist administered an occipital nerve block. Unfortunately, I ended up having an extreme adverse reaction to that as well. Same thing as the Botox - severe neck pain. I feel like lightning struck me twice. The neck pain is unbearable, it's like a 8.5 or 9 on a scale of 1-10. It's writhing in agony pain. Can't lay down and can't sit up, can't sleep yet can't stay awake, can't be active yet can't sit still. I went to Urgent Care once I discovered that this was happening again (it took almost a week for symptoms to present), and then called my doctor's office for a follow up appointment. When I went in for my appointment, the PA said that the neurologist would not give me pain medication because I had "just stopped taking them." WHAT? Yes it's true, I had stopped taking them about 3-4 weeks prior after the pain from the Botox wore off, and I was doing fine. But this was a completely separate incident and I was in horrendous pain. What is WRONG with these doctors? And then making his PA come give me the news? I said fine, I'd go to pain management. I ended up going to my Primary Care Physician a week and a half later who gave me another small prescription, and I was feeling slightly better by this point so I had hoped it would help, so I didn't call Pain Management.
Today, I went back to my neuro (really, the PA). I have been growing severely depressed by this point, as the pain in my neck from the nerve block is just constant. Not as severe as the last time I saw the PA, but constant, and it's wearing me down. I'm honest and tell this to the PA. I cry a little. She feels bad and wishes she could do more, but she knows the neuro's stance (no pain meds). We talk some more and she realizes how depressed I am. She wants to help and offers to talk to the neuro again about pain meds. I say no, I don't want to make him mad. She said no, it's OK and goes and gets him. He barges in and says "I don't want to give you narcotics, I think it's a bad idea" and launches into this tirade and the whole time he's talking and staring at my hands. I can obviously tell he thinks I'm a druggie. I start crying because of this, then he demands to know how many pills I have left from my other doctor. I don't know, I haven't counted them?! He says he doesn't think two doctors should be prescribing pills for me and why don't I just go back to my PCP, blah blah blah. Why don't I just try relaxation techniques? You would feel better if you weren't so depressed. I'm so stunned that I can't even speak at this point. He finally relents and gives me a prescription but I can tell he just thinks I'm trash. When he left the room and the PA was actually writing the prescription, I just bawled like a baby.
I almost don't want to fill this prescription out of spite. But I hurt so badly that I do want to. I watch House MD and Intervention, I'm not stupid. I know Vicodin can be addictive. But if I had a problem I'm pretty sure the 20 pills I was prescribed 10 days ago would be gone by now, yet I still have a handful left because I've been forcing myself to only take one per day. I'm so afraid that this neck pain is here to stay and that my doctors will leave me in pain that so I'm trying to stretch out my medication as long as possible.
This is the same doctor that doesn't really believe I have Chiari, even though I have MRI's saying so. I had one MRI that showed 4mm instead of my other 5 MRI's that show 9-10mm's. He chooses to believe the one 4mm MRI so he thinks I'm "normal." Sigh. Every time I see him I dislike him more, but today was really the final straw. Your doctor shouldn't make you feel like trash.
I want to find a new neurologist but I've already had 3. I'm afraid if I find another one I'm going to have the appearance of "doctor shopping." I adored my first neurologist, but she left to go into teaching/research (so that shouldn't count!). I left neuro #2 as started in my first paragraph. I'm currently on neuro #3. This is in a 4 year timespan. Has anyone else had more than 3 neurologists? Was #4 the winner?
I don't ask for much. I just want to feel better when I leave the doctor, not worse. :(