Lori,
No you were not rambling. Sharing and healing it what you were doing. We know how CM/SM effect us physically, mentally, emotionally but when we added the extra complications of lost love, death, even painful memories it add more and more to us. After reading your reply, it hit me as to why I was in the dumps and fighting to rid myself of the doldrums that I have been experiencing.
Though not as new as your loss of your mother ,I am sorry for your loss of her, I understand. I lost my father 9 years ago on April 30th. He was terminal with cancer and in hospice, I wish I could have been there for him and with him but due to a family conflict I was unable to be there. What pains me more is that he was holding on to see his granddaughter, Katrina. Like your mother he told me exactly what he thought of me and how I made him proud. and again like you I wish I was able to be more by being a teacher like he was, he was my inspiration to be a teacher, but I feel that I could never measure up to him as he was in his classrooms. I am out of the teaching profession now; and thanks to CM/SM I always wonder if I will get back into it.
I am also losing my grandmother to dementia and Alzheimer's. It is too the point to where she does not even know me as her grandson. She thinks I am my father and she begs me to take her home with me and my family. I remember her as a proud and proper woman who would do anything for her family and I feel helpless to do anything cause there is nothing I can do. She was through it all child/teen through the depression, her husband was in WWII, and she buried him, my father, and two of her great grandson (my two boys who miscarried), plus her brothers.
I know it is sad and hard but I continue to learn and believe that if they can go through all of this. I can do my best to get through my day and help others as others help me. If anything the main thing that I remember from childhood is always, ALWAYS, treat people as to how you want to be treated for you never know when you will need help.
Their teaching as well as your family teachings to you, make us who we are and keep us strong so we can continue and help others. this way we live with their legacy and continue to build our own legacy that intertwines with all of our heritage.
Now I am the one rambling. We might have been twins separated at birth cause we both say we are rambling but in the reply we always assure each other that the previous was not rambling - only family can do that and we are family.
love, hugs, and prayers for you and your brother (I know B-I-L) but hey your my sister
Mike